I ask you…..have you ever felt a more stressful feeling than that of the thoughts of the FUTURE???

Well thinking about mine the other day, scared me half to death

Just being asked “what do you want to do when your older…?” makes me shiver at the thought because, I HAVE NO CLUE

Being told today that what I do now can affect my outcome in the FUTURE is a little hard to absorb fully. I want to do well in life, but I don’t want to know right now, I want to have some fun and keep my childhood a little longer.

AND THAT IS JUST THE ACADEMIC SIDE…….

My athletics is a whole other story

Have you ever had 14 people depend on your success to reach theirs?

Go into a game hoping you won’t let your friends down?

Or have you been told that “you better work hard now, or else your FUTURE in the sport, as limited as the opportunities may be, might not be there anymore?

But what if all my work is for nothing….. I may be optimistic and out every waking moment into a game I love and hold so dearly, but what if this game leaves me behind and breaks my heart?

So with my “FUTURE” being decided with every move I make, losing a FUTURE job because i didn’t do the extra work in a subject just to have a little fun with my friends. Or the possibility of playing the game I love and have spent my life working towards for a living, ignores me because I didn’t have that one extra practice. 

So I ask you, what should I do?
Before I go crazy…..

She sat among the cool grey rocks of the Leslie Street Spit,

Ankles folded underneath her.

Amusedly, she hunted through the pebbles and rocks with careful, delicate fingers,

and once the quantity and quality of these stones selected met her standards, she began.

Eyes squinted against the bright daylight and her brows furrowed in concentration, she scanned the water before her,

As if she could just find

the right spot.

a place among the uncaring waters, rushing towards the shore,

That would envelop each special stone,

in its salivating sea jaws,

and digest the meaning of them.

There would be some understanding and coherence in the universe,

So that her wishes could be heard.

Winding back her arm, then throwing it forward with a grunt,

It plopped in the water

And disappeared below the sparkling surface

To darker, deeper depths of the unknown.

She savoured the texture and weight of each one,

Placing all her hopes in the stone, before offering them to

the waves of her wishing well.

Who would have guessed,

That at the foundation of Lake Ontario,

Rested a thousand dreams of one little girl?

this –> high.

I let it take me.

All of it.

All of me.

I let the wave carry me up on

this high

So that when I’m looking down

there is

nothing

to do, but

wait.

Ponder. Contemplate. Wonder.

wait.

.

No, dear, don’t spoil

this.

.

But,

maybe,

this will last.

maybe,

Regret is not lingering close by,

ready to seize me by the heel -

take me crashing

Back.

perhaps,

there is a way to escape gravity;

float on the blissful

sea of clouds.

possibly.

.

I won’t plummet to the earth,

my dear,

these wings of wax

will not melt.

.

I don’t need to learn

how to swim.

Let’s enjoy

this.

because I don’t see the ground

coming any closer.

Snop is a snooping Smurf,

Some kind of simple blue dog I’d imagine,

Instead of an onomatopoeia gone splat

Due to my multiple mishearing of things.

Dogs are nicer than friction induced flaps of fingers,

Anyway, able to amble and romp

Out of reach of a game of Get Away.

Gone on a rompage ‘round a field,

For lack of the remembered word.

But Rompage is better than rampage anyhow,

So suck it up my dear Snop,

We’re going on a Rompage.

Relationships can be put to math

With negatives and positives,

Put to graphs to analyze…

Parabola’s, I find, simplify this.

Positive relationships are the minimum

You should accept, with

Nowhere to go but up. Yet negative

Are in the maximum, a

Backwards perception to fall from

If not perfectly balanced.

Yet I find it would be good,

Perhaps, if this concept

Would be twisted into eights,

So that only when your true love comes

And turns your mind on its side,

You will see that the possibilities

Are infinite.

∞

It’s not me you’re in love with.
It’s the girl whose laugh sounds like windchimes,
Who wouldn’t dare say no to you,
The proud one.
Nothing can phase her.
The one you flaunt because she’s perfect.

But also, the one who is in truth, so insecure one wrong look shatter her.
The self-absorbed one too obsessed with perfection.
You don’t love me.
You love what I’ve be come.
I have lost myself
But I can almost feel it trying to find me again.

I am standing

Yes, just standing

At the gateway to my mind

The door is blocked.

The gates glisten in the sun

Whistle in the wind

And hide in the quiet shadows

Unseen. Unheard. Unknown.

Numb from the chill

As the sunlight i cannot see shines upon me

The wind i cannot feel blows through my hair

The strength i have within

Shows its weakness.

And as i stand

At the gateway to my mind

I realize the gatekeeper has stepped aside.

I open the door.

I walk out.

Free.